Relationship Questions and Answers
I Can’t Trust Him Anymore

I Can’t Trust Him Anymore


Question

My boyfriend and I have been having an on-and-off relationship for a number of years now. We've finally got back together and this time I really see it lasting for good. He's a really great guy and means the world to me although, a number of times that we've been together, he has been extremely flirtatious with other women, and early on this time he's even gone as far as chatting up one of my good friends and sending nude photos. I can't trust him anymore. What do I do?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always important to watch how people behave in a relationship because the way they’ve acted up to now is likely to be how they’ll behave in the future.

It’s up to you to decide what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. You might want to take some time to think about what’s important to you and what will help you treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction.

It’s OK to ask for what you want in a relationship. You might consider talking calmly and kindly with him a few times and figure out whether what he’s saying and doing makes sense to you and fits your needs. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you exclusively and treats you wonderfully. You’re worth it.

Stuck in the Friend Zone?

Stuck in the Friend Zone?


Question

I know this guy who is basically my best friend, we have a past (we've been friends since we were little kids). We had a couple of gap years, but last year found each other and we automatically clicked right away. We obviously flirt with each other, half of it being because we have so much in common, sometimes I feel like he's the guy version of me. We're each other's go to when we have exciting news. But at the same time, he hasn't made a move on me. Is it too late? Am I stuck in the friend zone?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s rarely too late to start a romantic relationship if the other person is available and open to the idea. Some of the best relationships are built on a healthy friendship. You might take some time to think about what you would like to see happen and what you want to say to him. Keep it simple, friendly and brief and then find a time when you both can talk without interruptions or distractions.

You don’t have to be really serious or change who you are. It can be helpful to phrase things in the form of a question and just listen to the other person’s response, as in: “What are you thoughts on you and me dating someday?” or “In what ways do you see our relationship developing in the future?” It’s a good idea to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. You’re also welcome to tell him how you feel in the same friendly, brief way.

There are no rules you need to follow as long as you’re moving in a positive direction, all you have to do is be yourself. Remember that you deserve to enjoy happy relationships with people you know well.

Best Way to Deal with Breakups

Best Way to Deal with Breakups

Question

It's been two days since my boyfriend and I broke up. What is the best way to deal with breakups, and how can you forget about your past relationship? Thank you for your time.

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up in a relationship. Two of the things that help heal the hurt are:

  1. Time.
  2. Focusing on yourself and living a great life.

It’s natural to feel any number of emotions during a break up including sadness and anger. The key is to experience whatever comes your way and realize it’s a normal part of going through a break up. You might consider taking some time to heal and take care of yourself. Do things you love, study, hang out with friends, make new ones, make a list of all the wonderful things about you and display it where you can see it, plan your future and exercise.

The more you do to build yourself up and enjoy life, the better you’ll feel. Keep in mind along the way that you’re a great person who deserves to live a great life with or without a significant other.

Arguments Lead to Break Ups

Arguments Lead to Break Ups

Question

My current boyfriend and I have a good relationship but we don't know how to handle our occasional arguments. When we do argue, we break up but still get back together, it's like we both need time to think and go through a sense of heartbreak to realize what we did and apologize. Is this healthy, if not, what can we do?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. An endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together can take a toll on people. The key is to find a communication style that works for both of you. You might try an exercise to help you communicate more effectively:

  1. Pick a time to talk when you’re both calm, rested and not in the middle of an argument.
  2. Decide what topic you want to talk about. Don’t worry about having it be perfect or the right topic, just decide on one thing to talk about.
  3. One person talks about the topic for up to five minutes.
  4. While that person is talking the other person listens without interrupting, arguing, giving opinions or reacting negatively. The only thing they can do is listen, nod and say “uh huh.”
  5. The other person gets to talk for up to five minutes while the other listens.
  6. Both of you say “thank you” and walk away.

What you’re trying to do in an exercise like this is communicate in a way that is different from arguing. Arguments are like battles where people try to hurt each other and win at all costs. This style of communication is just you listening to each other and learning about each other.

Try this at least twenty times. At first it will feel weird but, over time, it will be more comfortable. Remember that you both deserve to be in a relationship where you talk calmly and kindly about the things that are important to each of you.

I’m Extremely Shy

I’m Extremely Shy

Question

I'm seeing this guy and I really like him but I'm extremely shy. I never know what to say. I've been like this my whole life but he's a pretty loud person so it makes my shyness more noticeable.. what should I do?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s OK to be shy. The idea in any relationship is to be yourself and go out with people who appreciate the person you are, not someone else.

You might consider getting to know him in a friendly way. Talk with him, hang out with him, ask him questions, tell him about you and just learn about him. As you get to know him better you’ll feel more comfortable and it will be easier to talk about things.

You don’t have to be perfect or act any certain way, just be yourself. If he doesn’t appreciate who you are, you’re still a great person and you can focus your energy on someone else. Remember that you deserve to be with people who value who you are and want to spend time with you.