Relationship Questions and Answers
The Love of My Life Is Married

The Love of My Life Is Married



Question

A few years ago the love of my life ended up with another woman because of an age gap, I felt I was too young and needed something way less serious and he was at the point where he was ready to settle down. Recently I started talking to him again and I'm falling in love with him all over. The problem is that he's married, but I have every reason to believe he feels the same. Do I continue talking to him and potentially end an unhappy marriage or stop and move on?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to be with someone who is completely available and who can devote all his energy and attention to you. You get to decide what you do in any relationship and you might find it helpful to ask yourself a few questions to clarify what you want to do, such as:

  • What kind of relationship do I want?
  • What have I done in the past that’s worked, what hasn’t and what would I do differently in the future?
  • What do I know about my history with this person and their past behavior?
  • What is the likely future effect of any behavior I choose today?
  • What can I do to make sure I’m behaving in the most positive way possible?

Take some time to think carefully about questions like these. The idea is to behave in ways that help you live a positive life rather than finding yourself in a situation that may cause you grief.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is able to commit to you and doesn’t come with extra baggage.



Falling for a Good Friend

Falling for a Good Friend



Question

I think I am falling for a really good friend of mine. I've known her for a couple years, we're only two years apart, and we live about 4-6 hours apart. I drive all the way there just to see her. She has been in a few bad relationships and thinks poorly of herself. I love this girl to death as a friend and I really want to tell her that she's not worthless and show her that there are guys out there that would love to be with her. Any advice?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard when you care for someone in a relationship and you want to help them feel better. The difficulty is that only they can increase their self-esteem, not you. It’s a long process that takes a lot of hard work, preferably with a therapist.

You can be supportive and encourage the person to get help but it’s very difficult to have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves. That’s not because there’s anything wrong with them, it’s just that they need to do some work on their own to fix things.

You might want to take some time to think about what kind of relationship you really want and with what kind of person. Consider what would help you treat yourself well and move in a positive direction. In a healthy relationship, both people feel great and then add to each other’s lives. There’s nothing that says you can’t be friends, just keep in mind that the way she behaves right now is likely to be how she behaves in the future unless she decides to seek help.

In the meantime, make sure you do things to feel great about yourself and build yourself up outside this relationship. Be the happiest and healthiest you possible and live a great life. Remember that you deserve to have a relationship with someone who is healthy and can support you as much as you support them.

I Want out of the Relationship

I Want out of the Relationship

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out for two months. We have been best friends for the past year, and I’ve liked him for a while, so at the beginning of our relationship I do believe I was in love with him. The relationship was going well, until once when I went to his house and things got too far WAY too fast. I told him that I wanted to go slow but he didn’t listen. Ever since then I feel like I don’t love him as much, and I feel depressed. He says we’re going to be together for a long time but I want out now. The problem is, I love and care about him still. It’s like I make him happy, but he doesn’t make me happy. He is also pretty clingy, and doesn’t let me spend time with my friends. I try to talk to him when I’m sad, because we are REALLY close, but it just makes him sad, and I hate seeing him like that. The bottom line is I want out of the relationship without leaving him out in the cold. Help?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s always a good idea to listen to your inner voice. One of the hardest things to do is to break up with someone but it’s part of life. If you don’t want to be in the relationship then it’s a good idea to be clear with your boyfriend and tell him up front.

You can’t do anything about how he reacts or feels but you can tell him calmly and kindly. Don’t make it too complicated, a simple statement is enough. Then listen to his response without reacting or getting upset. Make sure you treat him with respect and value his feelings. Try to avoid the, “Can we just be friends,” type of lines, they just make things more difficult. If the two of you are meant to be friends in the future, it will happen.

It’s better to end a relationship than to stay in one that you don’t want to be in. The trick is to be gentle with the other person and remember that you can’t control their emotions or reactions, it’s hard to go through a break-up. Thankfully, people have the ability to heal.

How Can Two People Mend Their Relationship?

How Can Two People Mend Their Relationship?

Question

My ex and I have been been broken up for four months now. We were in a long distance relationship, we were both full-time students and worked full time. We both made mistakes in our relationship and we've accepted that. He recently started messaging me that he loves me and wants to be in my life, but he hasn't shown me. I guess I'm just scared of getting hurt again or hurting him. How can two people mend their relationship and move forward? Is it possible?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s important to pay attention to how people behave in a relationship. That means watching to see if their actions match their words.

It’s always beneficial to proceed cautiously in any relationship so you can take care of yourself and move your life in a positive direction. You might find it helpful to have many conversations with him where you talk calmly and kindly about things that are important to you and listen to each other. As you learn more about him, you can decide what’s best for you.

The idea is to get to know each other really well and communicate at a level where you can work together to mend your relationship. Consider taking it slowly and having many conversations before advancing to the fixing phase. Only move forward when he’s consistently behaved the way you want him to. Once you trust that he means what he says, you can work on a plan together to build a positive relationship.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who values who you are and is willing to take the time to work on things.

Girls Asking Guys Out

Girls Asking Guys Out

Question

What's your take on girls asking guys out, and do you have any suggestions on how to do it? The reason I'm scared to ask this guy out is because I feel like it will make me seem controlling, like maybe take away his "manliness," if that makes sense?

Answer

Thank you for your question. It’s perfectly fine for people to ask each other out and it’s normal to be nervous. You might find it helpful to think about getting to know him well before you decide whether you want to be in a relationship with him. Spend some time with him and learn about him. Ask questions, listen to him and tell him about yourself. The more you both know each other the easier it will be to tell what the next step is.

As far as his behavior or how he may react, you can’t do anything about that. If he has issues about someone being controlling or losing his manliness then that’s for him to work on. All you need to do is be yourself and be friendly. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who likes you and wants to spend time with you.