Relationship Questions and Answers
She’s Flirting with Him

She’s Flirting with Him


Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and we're having the best time together! But he has this girl mate I'm also friends with and I know they've always been close and I'm absolutely fine with it! I trust him 100% but I don't trust her 100%. She's forever flirting with him making me feel extremely uncomfortable. I let my boyfriend know how I felt and he felt awful, reassuring me that I was his and she wasn't, but what do I do to feel less uncomfortable around them?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s very positive that you’ve let him know how you feel. It’s always a good idea to let people know what you want and do it in a calm, kind manner.

You get to decide what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. You might find it helpful to have some kind and calm conversations with your boyfriend where you tell him how you feel and ask him questions. Talk when you’re both relaxed and have time, not when you’re in the middle of a difficult situation. Make sure to listen to each other without interrupting, arguing or rebutting.

The idea is just to talk about things and learn what’s really going on instead of guessing or reading into it. You might also want to watch his behavior. Pay close attention to what he actually does and decide if it’s acceptable to you. He’s currently sending you some clear messages. You might even let him know it’s great that he has a friend and that you’d like to get to know her too and see what he says and does.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who focuses on you and values you. You get to decide whether his behavior works for you or not.


He Is So Possessive

He Is So Possessive


Question

I have a boyfriend. We haven't been a relationship for long but he's already started to change. He is so possessive now and was never like that before. He wants me only for himself and when I told him to slow down, he just ignored it. He's acting like we're married and he is practically planning our future for the next 5 years. I'm not like that. He is jealous and paranoid to everyone. I don't know what to do. HELP!

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t do anything about how other people behave, it’s up to them to work on being healthy. It’s always a good idea to pay attention to your inner voice, it’s the one that helps you take care of yourself and be safe.

If someone is possessive, jealous, paranoid, controlling or ignores your wishes, that raises major red flags because those behaviors can lead in a very negative direction, including violence. You can be quite certain that the way he’s behaving now will be how he behaves in the future, and it could easily get worse.

The idea in any relationship is to be with someone healthy who encourages you to be you and treats you well. You get to decide what to do and what type of person you date. It’s up to you how you want to be treated and how you take care of yourself. Keep in mind that the only way people change is if they work on it for a long time, preferably with a therapist.

You might consider taking an immediate break from the relationship so you can breathe and get some perspective. Decide what kind of relationship you want and how you want to be treated. Do some careful thinking about who you are and what kind of person you want in your life. Tell people you trust what’s going on. Spend time with your friends and do things you love. Think about your future and what you want to do without a significant other in the picture. Be as healthy as you can be and celebrate how amazing you are.

Remember that you’re a valuable and important person who deserves to be treated gently and respectfully in a relationship.

How Do You Know You’re in Love?

How Do You Know You’re in Love?

Question

How do you know that you’re in love with somebody and how do you know you’re loved back?

Answer

Thank you for your question. You can usually tell you’re in love because you feel joy and excitement when you think about the person. You want to spend time with them and they’re on your mind a lot. You want to get to know them and you’re really interested in being part of their life.

You’ll know someone likes you when they tell you or because they act in a way that demonstrates that they want to spend time with you and get to know you. You’ll know you’re in love with someone when it happens because you’ll experience a strong feeling of wanting to be closer to them. They’ll seem funny, smart, interesting and attractive.

Love is usually the feeling that grows from spending time together, sharing experiences and caring for each other. It comes from knowing someone really well and sharing your lives with each other. Remember that you deserve to have someone in your life who is in love and loves you in a way that makes you happy.

He Looks Away When He Sees Me

He Looks Away When He Sees Me

Question

I dated one of my best friends. It didn't go well because he got too controlling and wanted to be around me all the time. We tried to be friends but it didn't really work. We see each other a lot but we don't talk, we act like we don't see each other even though we do see each other. He always looks away when he sees me. We haven't talked in a few years and I tried clearing the air, not sure yet of the outcome but I don't get why he always hides from me even though he has a girlfriend.

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. You can’t do anything about how other people behave in any relationship, it’s up to them to decide what they want to do. People don’t always know how to behave when they’re in a difficult situation or feel uncomfortable.

You get to decide how you behave and it’s always a good idea to treat yourself well and move your life in a positive direction. You might consider letting him know what you’re thinking in a kind and friendly way and then moving on. Give him time to think. If he wants to be in contact with you he’ll come around; if not, you’re still a great person.

One of the biggest lessons in life is that we can’t control how other people behave. The key is to find people who value the real you, treat you well and want to spend time with you. You’re worth it.

I Have a Crush on Someone but Don’t Know What to Do Next

I Have a Crush on Someone but Don’t Know What to Do Next

Question

I've had a crush on this person for almost a year and I have come to know through a mutual friend that he has feelings for me too but is to afraid to act on them. He had grown up sheltered and still doesn't understand how to deal with certain social situations. Recently things have become more and more distant as result. It's like being so close but not being able to do anything about it. Any advice?

Answer

Than you for sharing your situation. It’s normal for people to withdraw when they’re not sure what to do. It’s helpful in situations like these to simply talk with the person. Ask them what’s going on and simply listen to what they have to say. If they don’t or can’t talk just tell them that you’d be happy to listen to them when they have something to say. Check back in a few days and see how they’re doing.

The idea is to just talk about things instead of wondering what’s going on. You might also want to tell him how you feel but remember that, if you’re trying to learn about him, then make sure to leave space for him to talk.

It also might be helpful to take some of the pressure off by doing some fun activities together instead of pressure-filled dates. Spend time enjoying each other’s company without worrying about dating or romance. Over time you’ll see where the relationship is going. Think of it like building a friendship and then seeing where it goes.