Relationship Questions and Answers

Cycle of Getting Together and Breaking Up



Question

I just came out of a very long, very messy off-and-on breakup with the man I thought I was going to marry. I still think about him all the time, worry about him, and miss him intensely. I want to tell him that but I don't want to restart the cycle of getting together and breaking up again. I think it's best though that I don't contact him, even if I want to, especially for something that can't help. Do you agree or am I rationalizing? I guess I just need some reinforcement.

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s hard to go through a break up but you now have a chance to take a deep breath and do some thinking. It’s important to follow your inner voice. It’s the one that tells you what will most likely lead you in a positive direction. You might think in terms of taking a break and getting to know yourself before doing anything else. Do things you love and spend time with your friends. Work on being the healthiest and most balanced you possible.

The idea is to take care of yourself and gain some perspective on what you really want to do in life and in relationships. You might do some thinking as well about what you would do differently in the future so that you don’t repeat the same patterns. You can also ponder what kind of person you want to be with and how you want to be treated.

Remember that you’re a valuable person and you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who will be a stable and reassuring influence in your life.