Relationship Questions and Answers

I Want Him to Think about Me



Question

Hi there. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and he tells me that he thinks about me when he's at work and just in general. I told him straight up that, if he really thinks about me then at least tell me or show it so it’s not just me who is thinking about him all the time. Was that a little harsh? I mean, he thanked me for the feedback but i just feel a little bad. I also said bad things about relationships and he got a little sad, apologizing that he can't be perfect (I told him nobody is) and that he can’t meet my expectations. All I really want is for him to be sweet towards me sometimes and at least give me something to remind me of him or take me to movies every now and then. How do I tell him that I want him to do that?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. It’s OK to ask for what you want in a relationship. The key is to do it gently, respectfully, calmly and kindly. You might think about what you really want to ask him for and then set up a time when you can both talk. Tell him how you feel and make sure to listen to his point of view without interrupting or reacting negatively.

It’s also really important to praise people for doing nice things. For example: If someone says he’s thinking about you, that’s a good thing that merits praise. You’ll get better results when you let him know he’s doing things well. Keep in mind as well that your expectations are yours, not his. Imagine if he expected you to be someone you’re not. It can actually backfire to ask people to do things that they don’t really want to do because it creates resentment and unhappiness.

In a healthy relationship, both people act like themselves and are accepted by the other. Remember that you both deserve to be in a relationship where the other person likes and accepts who you are.



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