Relationship Questions and Answers

Putting Forth More Effort than He Is



Question

I’ve been mentally involved with my current boyfriend for over 2 years. We were on and off for awhile but have been solid for 7 months. He’s in the military and lives across from the country from me. I’m struggling between my nature of wanting freedom and being with the person I feel that is the love of my life. It frustrates me that I feel like I am putting forth more effort in the relationship than he is. I’m tried of telling him, I feel like a nagging/clingy girlfriend. I know that he’s busy, but so am I. Any time he calls, I put aside time and go to an isolated place to talk to him. But it’s like talking to a wall. He’s either playing a game, watching tv or talking to his roommate. And I end up saying nothing. I’m tired of it, but I’m in love with him too. What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your situation. Any relationship you’re in has to work for you. The idea is to treat yourself well and live a positive life. You can’t change how other people behave but you can let them know what you need.

Perhaps you might take some time to think about what you would like to tell him. Then set aside some time to talk calmly and kindly with him. Keep it brief and to the point but tell him what’s important to you. Make sure to listen to him without interrupting or reacting negatively. Over the course of several conversations it will be up to you what you want to do next.

You get to decide what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to be with. In a healthy relationship both people listen to each other and are there for one another. Remember that you’re a valuable person and you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who communicates well and respects your needs.